I read something VERY sobering yesterday.

[Biker]

You know me folks sorta lighthearted and jokey. Well this posting is far from that vein.

I happened to be spending the evening last night just mooching about online and found on a random US Hunting forum a thread title that caught my eye.

My intention is not to depress you but hopefully show you just how fortunate we are, despite the kickings life can give us. It's certainly given me a fresh perspective.

It began like this:

I'm dying.

No $hit.

I'm laying here at Harris Hospital in Fort Worth Texas realizing my final days are upon me. It started back in April when I was diagnosed with stage IVLymphoma cancer.

Couldn't just be normal Lymphoma, it had to be Burkitt's lymphoma. And a rare one at that. It's what's called a triple hit Burkitt's. Meaning there are three bad chromosones they have to fight.

Basically it's a fast growing tumor they throw everything at. We started with Chemo called Hyper/Cvad....one of the strongest doses of chemo they have. The tumor responded and went from 22cm to 8.4 cm then got ****** off and started growing again. They took me off Chemo and Sent me to MD Anderson in Houston to be on a clinical trial. I tried that and the tumor got bigger after a month so they kicked me off and sent me back.

Now I'm laying here with this huge belly, a bad prognosis, and hooked to what they call "salvage" chemo. It doesn't look good. Basically if this chemo does not shrink the tumor I am going to die.

If it does shrink the tumor, then I have to have a bone marrow transfusion immediately to help fight the cancer. There will be a small window of opportunity and we have to find a donor match.

I"ve gone from a 32 inch waist to almost a 44". I know what a pregnant woman feels now.......you cannot get comfortable no matter what position you lie in.

My back is killing me, I'm tired, exhausted, I can't eat without throwing iit back up and I have not pooped in three days because the tumor is wrapped around my intestines.

I'm only 45 years old and not ready to die. But here I lay wondering *** happened and how did this happened. For the first time in my life I'm actually afraid.

9 years in the Army I served. I'm proud of that. I went to college and got a degree.........I have a beautiful family........I guess I've had a good life.,

I've shot more deer than most people have seen over the years.......hell I have killed lots of animals over the years. $hit loads of doves.......

I can't even think about the number of bullets I've fired over the years. It would be funny to see that mountain of brass. We would all smile and be proud and say "damn Jeff, you have a trigger finger left?"

The mountain of brass would shade my two story house. I can be proud of that.

I have an 8 year old son I have not taught much too. I've been pretty sick all year. He has a chipmunk rifle ready to go......Dad just needs to get better......and there are days I can barely get off the couch I'm so sick.

Will somebody teach him when I'm gone? I sure hope so.....he's a good kid and if he's got some of his Dad in him he's gonna be a damn good shot.

Yes....these are the words of a truly dying man. I don't think I'll have any regrets.........I've always wanted to work on a project car.....you know......rebuild an old classic. 65 mustang or 72 Chevy pickup...

If I get better that's what I want to do. Chances are small and slim though and I think I finally realized that tonight. The nurses act different around me. They look sad.......they must have read my chart and seen my prognosis. It's in their eyes and faces. They won't look me in the eye......and I've been coming here for months for treatment.

Things feel different......they know. They just are not saying.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm scared..........I do know that. I guess if I had a shoulder to cry on right now I would.

Well I'll just dump this here in General Discussion and let the ball roll.

I'm in room 700 if you got a shoulder. 7th floor Harris tower..


One small good thing that has come out of this is someone began a raise money fund for people to contribute towards. The target was $20,000 and at 9pm last night GMT it was $19.800. I noticed this morning it's at $30,700. I'm pretty sure it's not some sob story or some scam cooked up by this man posting it, as he seems to be a regular respected poster on that forum with 2000+ postings and has been member there since 2011. There are also photos of him with some of the visitors that went to see him in his hospital bed to offer that shoulder.

The rest of the thread postings that followed aren't "Feel sorry for you mate" but they are genuinely engaging him on to share some good experiences in his life to lift his spirits. It was really very touching to read. I stopped after a while feeling like I was snooping into something very personal, like a close family's grief.

Anyway just wanted to do as this man has done and just dump it here in Other Chatter and let the ball roll. Do with it as you will. Like I said my intention posting this is NOT to depress you but to make you look at things differently as it has with me.

Thanks for your time reading this far.

Aaron

 

[RonW]

oofff.....

That brought home the message.........

Maybe his last task in life was meant to do just that...

I do hope he'll recover, but judging by his tone he knows he will not.

 

[Biker]

oofff.....

That brought home the message.........

Maybe his last task in life was meant to do just that...

I do hope he'll recover, but judging by his tone he knows he will not.

Yeah, you could be right Ron. Here's hoping he gets to restore that Chevy.

 

[Goatboy]

Cheers for posting that Aaron. Usually I skip over a lot of fund raising stuff as I think like a lot of folk We've become inured to scams and money makers on the internet. Some folk call me heartless for it but it's an honest but cynical reaction.

I've lost family and those close through cancer and it does seem an unfair disease; stupid way to put it as what disease is fair. But it just seems always "the hard one to beat".

I also looked at the language used and subconsciously thought it seemed too erudite and almost movie heart tugging and folksy. But having had to sit in a hospital bed own my own and sign forms which have a percentage of living or dying attached to them you do self rationalise in those tones - too many books and movies I think. It is strange when the realisation hits that you aren't an invincible twenty year old any more. That time is potentially short and you wonder what you've achieved - and for what purpose. I remember the look of fear and disappointment in my Dads eyes when I had to tell him he was going to die as the hospital didn't want to tell him. He was brave about it but it's not a good look to see. He was my Dad after all. Strangely the Consultant who wouldn't tell my father was the one telling me my bad news when it came. I'm OK now though.

I'm going to stop just now as I'm just rambling, getting upset and not putting it down in a coherent fashion. It good to have a forum to talk too, for that man, for us reading it. Talking is cathartic when it comes to grief and in the end all we can do is talk and listen - it does make the monsters go away.

 

[Biker]

I hear what you're saying GB. We're also on the same page about the "folksy" way it was written. I suppose when you're in his shoes you tend to ramble while you're writing, dwelling on things and just putting them down onto the screen as they come to mind.

Anyway, the idea of me sharing/posting this was for the reader to take stock of their lives, like I did last night and just look at it and say "Well compared to that poor soul I'm pretty well off." it was NOT to depress but inspire. Like RonW said let this message of "look at what you have got" be this man's legacy.

Later fella, off to work now.

 

[Goatboy]

I hear what you're saying GB. We're also on the same page about the "folksy" way it was written. I suppose when you're in his shoes you tend to ramble while you're writing, dwelling on things and just putting them down onto the screen as they come to mind.

Anyway, the idea of me sharing/posting this was for the reader to take stock of their lives, like I did last night and just look at it and say "Well compared to that poor soul I'm pretty well off." it was NOT to depress but inspire. Like RonW said let this message of "look at what you have got" be this man's legacy.

Later fella, off to work now.

Maybe my post was too dark there, I have a good attitude to life (think you know me well enough) all I was saying (badly I admit) is that it's good he, you and I all talk, it makes us happy. I promised myself in a bad place many years ago that I'd laugh every day - I have and will continue to do so. And you guys are part of that plan! Cheers for posting it up.

 

[mrcharly]

aah, that's cancer. It's unfair. Unfair to him, unfair to his wife, unfair to his kids.

45 is young. Younger than me, anyway (anyone younger than yourself is young, that's how I see it).

Doesn't sound like he's going to pull round. Maybe the money raised will mean something to his kid and give him some comfort. The comfort of random strangers caring about his dad.

 

[crosslandkelly]

I've had my wife and mum go through cancer, fortunately they both beat it. I sincerely hope that this poor man does, and gets he chance to teach his son to shoot, and much, much more. It is also very tough on the family members at these times. I can't say anymore.

 

[Mesquite]

Thanks for posting this Aaron...

It does make you think about what you've got and as others have said I do hope he pulls through and sees his son shoot his gun along with all the other things he wants to do.

 

[Wayland]

Wow, that's tough, thanks for posting it Aaron.

Debs has just pulled through a bad scare with Cancer. We were lucky I guess but there is a good reason that people are so frightened of it.

She has her last treatment tomorrow, Halloween on the 13th year of the Millennium, hows that for a date to remember?

Time to start celebrating for us at least.

 

[Stringmaker]

I remember the look of fear and disappointment in my Dads eyes when I had to tell him he was going to die as the hospital didn't want to tell him. He was brave about it but it's not a good look to see.

I think that is one of the most powerful things I've read for a very long time.

 

[Andy BB]

Bit of a reality check there, Aaron. Maybe a good time for all of us to be thankful for what we've got, and make the most of our time here, rather than thinking "I'll get around to doing that someday..."

 

[Biker]

Bit of a reality check there, Aaron. Maybe a good time for all of us to be thankful for what we've got, and make the most of our time here, rather than thinking "I'll get around to doing that someday..."

Which is exactly why I shared that story, Andy BB. Thanks for your comments people. :You_Rock_

Further to the money being raised for this poor fella, I've just checked at it now stands at $45,800. Looks like his hospital bills or his sons education is assured. Haven't been back to that thread though so don't know the latest news on the chap himself, it's too upsetting to read it to be perfectly honest.

 

[santaman2000]

Which is exactly why I shared that story, Andy BB. Thanks for your comments people. :You_Rock_

Further to the money being raised for this poor fella, I've just checked at it now stands at $45,800. Looks like his hospital bills or his sons education is assured......

Not necessarily. A hospital stay can easily run into hundreds of thousands if the insurance doesn't cover it. And a funeral goes into tens of thousands.

 

[Damascus]

Having had cancer, i can really put myself in his place. It changes you, it gives you a new perspective to what really matters in life.

I am a lucky one, i am still alive, every time I go for a check up and get the all clear and told see you in 2 months is two months of my new life i get to live.

Everyone should live everyday as if its your last as one day it will be (No pun intended) I hope he gets better and has time to teach his son, cancer is a cruel thing and so unfair, I had a classic smokers and drinkers cancer and did neither.

I wish him well.

 

[derbyshirei]

I was diagnosed with Birkitts five years ago, the chemo regime is fearsome, it took two full sessions of the IVAC suite of chemicals plus an intrathecal injection into the spine every ten days.

I was in hospital four months, but as I say that was five years ago, so there is hope, you have to be strong and fight it with everything, be hard core!

I had to retire early because of side effects etc, but every day is a gift, today for instance I walked in Charnwood Forest, took my SAT cooked lunch/hot choc and dozed in my Hennesy Hammock, listening to bird call, the wild in the trees and quite literally thanking God.

God bless all out there fighting cancer.

Ian

 

[Stringmaker]

.

God bless all out there fighting cancer.

Ian

Hear hear.

 

[Biker]

God bless all out there fighting cancer.

Ian

Yeah, well said. Been some close calls with my own family and friends and felt the affects of it impacting on our lives. Good to read some positive stories though. Congrats to you all.

Santaman2000, point taken about the hospital fees, one assumes with the treatment he's already had since April he's got insurance. Last count for the cash raised thus far for this poor fella is $47,192. Not a shabby sum after only three days.

 

[Mesquite]

Have you got a link to the original thread Aaron?

 

[Biker]

Have you got a link to the original thread Aaron?

Here ya go, Steve