Meh day, feeling a bit odd.

[Cobweb]

I dunno what is wrong with me today, I'm feeling a bit weird, it started last night, I don't normally speak my mind around friends but my next-door neighbour came down asking for a cup of coffee. I didn't want to make it for him, he never makes coffee/tea when he comes to visit which is once or twice a day, I don't know what happened but I found myself saying to him, "If you want a cup of coffee you can make it yourself, I'm fed up of doing it" I've mentioned (jokingly) in the past about me making the drinks all the time and he always replies that he won't make drinks at other people's houses.

I started to feel as if he was treating me as a traditional woman, all submissive and acceding to direction and orders which is not me at all and this behaviour was starting to really p*ss me off. The trouble is, I don't verbally stand up for myself most of the time so last night was a revelation, especially when he actually did make the coffee.

Today thinking back to last night I feel better about standing up for myself, but on the otherhand a little scared about it as well, it seems as if it's a huge change from my normal behaviour. I feel freer and more in control but at the same time, very off balance and confused.

I tend to be what people expect of me, I don't know but I think it's part of my aspie nature, the problem comes when after the initial small talk and social pleasantries I start to slip back into who I actually am and I don't think that person is particularly nice, I base this on a few long term friendships I have had, where after a year or so, the 'real me' starts coming through and it starts to make them not like me.

I have no reason in writing this, I guess I just needed to think that someone knows how I'm feeling at the moment.

Thank you

 

[MSkiba]

Yes I get that sometimes. You want to make a good impression, but after trying so much or putting in lots of effort you get tired of it and the real you comes out.

True friends will stand by you through the hard times, and those who only use you for the cup of coffee will not return. And that is a good result in my book. Be yourself and find a connection with like minded people rather than trying to impress everyone, is what I say.

Im sure your neighbour will be OK, and probably thought you just had a one off day. Dont let it get you down.

 

[Toddy]

I work on the principle that friends take you as they find you, and they thole your bad days and peculiarities knowing fine you thole their's too

So ? Does he make the coffee when you go and visit him ?


Mary

 

[Miyagi]

Well done Cobweb,

There are times when folk need to speak up, even if it seems a trivial thing to someone else, it may be important to you.

Not to do so will eat away at you.

Don't allow anyone to treat you as a doormat.

All the best,

Liam






Now get that ironing finished!!! (Only joking )

 

[MSkiba]

Now get that ironing finished!!! (Only joking )

 

[telwebb]

@Toddy - a new word for me - 'thole' - this site just keeps on informing - brilliant!

 

[Toddy]

Sorry

Thole; Verb: Endure (something) without complaint or resistance; tolerate.

Honestly, it's a common word here

cheers,
M

 

[telwebb]

hey - was never a problem - did have to look it up though!

 

[Miyagi]

Sorry

Thole; Verb: Endure (something) without complaint or resistance; tolerate.

Honestly, it's a common word here

cheers,
M

Mary,

Your post made perfect sense to me hen.

It's easy to forget that other folk don't speak as we do, and I was quite surprised that it had to be looked up.

My late Gran's favourite singer Mario Lanza, although an Italian, used "thole" throughout his career.

As evidenced by one of his iconic songs "O thole O-mio" - often copied in the Cornetto adverts of the 80's.

Liam

 

[Toddy]

We thole your jokes too, Liam

atb,
M

 

[Miyagi]

We thole your jokes too, Liam

atb,
M

Class!!!

I walked into that one!

Mary, there have been times when I've sat in the corner of the room, thrown a blanket over my head and ignored the world.

You lose track of time, your responsibilities, your outgoings, (you lose your "what you have coming in" a lot faster).

Eventually, most folk realise this is no good and get up and make a fresh go of life.

I tried to - but sitting on a laminate floor had cut the blood flow to my legs. I've never experienced pins and needles like it since.

Seriously though, a sense of humour is what has seen me through, not bucketloads of sympathy. My posts aren't meant to belittle Cobwebs situation, but when you're at your wits end over something, an unexpected laugh can make all the difference.

I defer to my hero in this matter;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij08lEdA8hs

Liam

 

[locum76]

*snigger*.

 

[No Idea]

Hi Cobweb

Im an aspie, so are both my kids, and probably the wife.

Its not our basic self that gets out and pisses people off, its just they are normal and cant cope with aspie logic or spin as fast as us.

I sort of have to act reasonably normal around normals, but cant keep it up for long.

However, each time no one is looking, I can stop shuffling around and wander off and do something I want to do.

I make sure I have at least half a dozen people I can go see, and I never stay anywhere near any one normal for more than half an hour at a time. That way I dont burn them out.

Today when none of them were looking, I went paddling, set fire to a hammock to see if it would give off green or black smoke (it was green, so it might have copper in it), tried pizza dunked in ice cream in Pizza hut (the wife noticed and tutted), took 40 winks laying upside down on the stairs as I think my brain might get bigger that way and tidied the kitchen so I could put a windsurfer next to the sink so I can think about putting its mast on my latest er... thing I built that freaked out one of my friends when he saw it.

Most normals would either just say "*** ?!" or just "why?!" at each thing we do.

I dont let them find out enough fast enough to overload them.

Do you like learning things?

Have you thought of learning psychology?
Its all about how normals think. I studied it for weeks till I had it and could use it to predict when they are about to explode.

Saved me from overloading my normal friends.

They also have a problem when we sort of hibernate - especially female normals as they never ever do that. If you can think of a good reason why you have to do it, they wont freak so much, although you do have to contact them and tell them you are doing it as they dont seem to be able to guess. I just tell people I need to go walkabout because I went to Australia. Doesnt make sense and would cause me a problem if someone said something like that to me, but they dont seem fazed by that.

Above all, dont worry about it. He will get over it.
Dont worry about feeling weird, it just happens each time we do something new and are a bit worried about possible repercussions.

Need to go fix my kitchen as the chaos is giving me a headache

Have a really nice time.

 

[Toddy]

Liam I agree, a sense of humour, family and friends gets us through an awful lot.

I didn't know that Ken Dodd was still alive total fruitcake though the man could be at times, he does have a way with words

atb,
M

 

[Miyagi]

Excellent post No Idea.

Cheers

Liam

 

[drewdunnrespect]

well said no idea and the reason i say that is i am hyperactive so scare most normals of to but hey i fit in here and cobweb remember no matter how bad it gets you always have mates here

 

[No Idea]

Hi Cobweb.

Im a bit jumpy as you seem to have disapeared.

Are you hibernating or have you a problem?

Do you need any help?

PM me if I can help, or dont if I would make things worse.

 

[No Idea]

Is anyone else concerned they might be an aspie?

There is an online test that gives a basic indication.

I think its a bit faulty as it only gave me 39 and I do like to be perfect.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

 

[locum76]

Self assesment for Autism spectrum conditions is dubious, no matter what test is used.

 

[Cobweb]

I'm still here in body if not mind... Just busy at the moment, seems like this time of year is the worst for random happenings... I try to life by the phrase: "Improper planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" but work is still coming out of the blue and fast. Not such a bad thing but why do people want everything the next freaking day?! lmao!!

I like the way the thread went, it wasn't supposed to start a discussion, just rather allowing me to vent, but thank you to you all for it. Thank you to NoIdea, I know exactly what you mean, and yes, I think I'm getting some burnout lol.