" Beach Meet " Uh Oh ! Friday The 13TH...

[Ivan...]

Hi , right i have been in regular contact with my personal assistant (Newman) and she has put a comprehensive set of directions and details , which i will endeavour to pass on to you all via PM (hopefully she will do it for me , when she has calmed down a bit )

Sorry Stuart, forgot to say hello properly mate be really good to see you again and looking forward to meeting your plus one .

Dave53 ever the professional , hopefully wont need your new device where we are going !

Steve let me know timings re the Totnes thing , is it a weekend pass or just day release ?

Richie will you be bringing a trailer ? And let me know about the Thursday as the green man might just turn up early too , because it would make sense to convoy rubber duck and we can secure all the best parking , anyone else thinking about coming earlier please let me know.

Anyone heard from Lucy ? as i have lost her mobile number ?

Last year we found it easiest to meet in the local pub , and i don't mind sitting there all day to meet and greet ! Because the actual site is a little tricky to find , but with Icky's comprehensive instructions should be a doddle.

Skate a public apology for the suggestive texts ! i have now moved your number so as it wont happen again , thanks very much for the offer ,if i ever consider batting for the other team you will be the first to know !

Finally who keeps ringing me , thinking i live in a lighthouse ? and asking if the coast is clear ?

As ever any queries just ask .

Ivan...

[Ichneumon]

ivan I've baught a thing called a tick

No need to buy ticks Dave. Ivan keeps 'em as pets, I'm sure he would have donated one.

Mr. Wilson! I shall remain in a bad mood until you relent and say I CAN bring my bucket and spade. So there! Oh! And can I be the deck-chair attendant this time? I'm getting bored sitting in the car park all day.

Must go.... Gotta try on my new bikini!

[redandshane]

"Last year we found it easiest to meet in the local pub , and i don't mind sitting there all day to meet and greet !"

No surprises there then; "another pint? " on Mr Newman s generous tab?


"Steve let me know timings re the Totnes thing , is it a weekend pass or just day release ?"

I will be working Friday but should be fairly early finished say 3pm Totnes or Dartington not sure where I will actually be set loose.You have my mobile number still ?
I am imposing my Celtic charms on you for the whole weekend


"Richie will you be bringing a trailer ?"
So the lightweight thing didn't catch on then? Ha a brave effort though mate
Sorry I cant drink all the way down in the car with you but I will be very happy to join you for the return journey if possible

Somehow I can genuinely see Ivan in a mankini-a leopard skin one

Happy days!

[Ivan...]

Morning ! Bin a bit quiet here , anyway Steve (GTF) I do still have your mobile , I presume you have mine? Anyway between us contact will be made re picking you up from Totnes or Dartington on the Friday afternoon which is not a problem (probably one of Icky's many tasks).

Icky taken over the keyboard now, the pain of watching him type was excruciating. We've been up on the moor for a few days, I think I've killed him off. Right now he looks like death but I'm sure he's just being a drama-queen.

The distance from the parking spot to the beach/campsite is about half a mile. At low tide that's a walk along the shoreline but at high tide it's a gentle scramble along the coast path. It's high tide at roughly midday whilst we are there, so low tide at about 7 morning and evening. Hanging really isn't very practical, the wood is back near the parking, so going to bed would be interesting - in the dark and after a beer or two.

Richie, can you confirm by which day you plan to arrive and that you'll be bringing HMS Buchephelas and her sister ship?

That's it for now - looking forward to it.

[savagebushcraft]

Should I pack the water wings? Just thinking of the safety, of slightly drunken members, when the lightweights go to bed.

[Ichneumon]

Back on my own keyboard now.

After three nights staying at Ivan's Tick Farm I'm now back home. When I left him he looked like something a fox had regurgitated - not a pretty sight. Nothing to do with the Lyme's this time but a tummy bug that we both picked up. So for those few, those very few, who are concerned about him - don't be.

One thing we forgot to mention in the earlier post is the firewood situation. There is next to zero immediately available. When Ivan (pass me the Imodium) can spare us some of his valuable time and wrench himself away from the dunny I'm sure he'll want to say a few words of wisdom on this subject. Rear Admiral Richie seems to be hatching some plan to re-enact the Battle of the River Plate. Told me he'd tried doing it in the bath but there wasn't enough room for manoeuvers. So before his Grand Fleet gets sunk at their moorings by Lt Cmdr 'Stagger' Savage VD & scar and his crack team of frogmen (cunningly armed with explosive water wings), we can use it to transport firewood.

GM

[savagebushcraft]

...and when we run out of firewood, we can burn the fleet

[Bucephalas]

...and when we run out of firewood, we can burn the fleet

Gettie fu!

Your not burning my fleet.

Anyway, apologies for my absence but I've been busy having my pockets emptied by numerous professional ladies whilst walking "Las Ramblas" at night with 3 gay Irish lads and a swettie! (Sounds like the beginnings of a joke but unfortunately it isn't), then returned home to find my moggy as stiff as a board on the kitchen floor and having to explain to the kids that he wasn't really having a nap! Then onto some Welsh lakes to canoe 300 goby kids around in a circle all day whilst practicing all those Spanish expletives I learnt earlier in the week.

Anyway, I hope to be there Thursday but am still trying to wriggle out of photographing a school load of 10 year olds; assuming I win that battle I'll be down for late afternoon.
I was going to drag down two Mad River canoes on the roof but I'll now bring two inflatables which I can throw in the boot to make life easier. With the guest list as it is there's enough wind bags to inflate them both in seconds! I was a little worried about Ivan ability to "acquire" equipment and a 14 foot canoe in his pocket would raise few suspicions.

Thanks for the PM with detailed instructions. I didn't quite unerstand all those longs and lat things with all those numbers so I went and bought a Garmin GPS to make sense of it all.

See y'all soon.

[Ichneumon]

but I'll now bring two inflatables which I can throw in the boot to make life easier.

I watched 'Fools and horses' what sort of inflatables that will make life easier are we talking about here?

[savagebushcraft]

G...g...g...g...garmin. No wait...wrong product.

So with Richie's rigid floaters in dry dock, we'll need to find another source of wood. Hmmmm

I'm sure there are plenty more euphemisms in this subject, somewhere. Maybe involving puncture repair kits, rubber, paddling, pumping, blowing, etc

[Bucephalas]

I watched 'Fools and horses' what sort of inflatables that will make life easier are we talking about here?

The inflatable donuts should help Ivans dunny issues, although not much help with Stag beatles me thinks.

[Kernowek Scouser]

Only just spotted this thread. I think I could have escaped my slave master's shackles on the 13th and made this one, earning the first stitch on my jolly boy badge; but the canoes are already full

Must spend less time amusing myself reading the 'shouty' threads on here and keep a keener eye on the meet up ones.

[Ivan...]

Hi Colin(KS) One of our illustrios troup has announced that they will only be a day visitor so if it fits in with your plans pal , you can come along and earn that stich sir , just give me a shout and i will PM you extensive directions .

Talking of directions , you try and do something properly and concise and you get slated and ribbed on a public forum, just out of interest as you all know there is no way i could have put that little lot together , so i employed the services of the Green Man, so any further negative comments should be aimed at him !

Firewood for the meet , as Sticky said earlier the fuel situation will take some foraging , but there is a dungkicker just up the road selling logs £3.00 for a big bag , don't worry i will act as interpreter and if we all go on one wander , that coupled with whats washed up we will be fine .

As you know i do not profess to be an expert (at anything) but the foraging at this spot is excellent, and watching the egrets and cormorants the fishing don't look bad either, also when i was there a couple of weeks ago there was a chap who knew his stuff and he had shellfish galore (made i jealous)

Starting to itch now.

Ivan...

[savagebushcraft]

If you like limpets, there are millions of them there. Should be a bit of Lava too, if anyone fancies making some Lavabread.

[Kernowek Scouser]

Splendid news, I will test the strength of the shackles and pm accordingly

[redandshane]

Foraging is the game GTF is my name .Wanna buy some wood £2.50
Inflate the Lilos Cap'n Phallus we sail tonight for yonder woody place where riches lie beyond our wildest dreams.
Oh I came over all Shakespearean

Can we expect the company of a Liverpudlian now living in Cornwall ?

Entertainment
Pasties and Scouse no less, mmmm sounds good actually.Anybody got any beetroot?

[savagebushcraft]

Thought you said panties and Scouse, for a minute then. That would have been entertaining

[Ivan...]

My dear Steve , your most recent post only reiterates my initial fears , that were highlighted by Richie , that in fact you are a resident as opposed to a professional with special dispensation to travel the length and breadth of the country to suit your needs , anyway hey ho! you fit in well with the attitude so who am i to worry .

Although i am somewhat pleased with your concern for my buttock welfare , i think that is more of a jealousy thing as it is quite clear to all that you dont have any ,it's just where your legs meet at the top. But seeing as you have asked , so far no injuries to report.

Ivan...

[Bucephalas]

Thought you said panties and Scouse, for a minute then. That would have been entertaining

If you want to wear your panties Adam then you do so my friend; but you won't be sleeping in my Czeck sleeping roll!

[Bucephalas]

Foraging is the game GTF is my name .Wanna buy some wood £2.50
Inflate the Lilos Cap'n Phallus we sail tonight for yonder woody place where riches lie beyond our wildest dreams.
Oh I came over all Shakespearean

Can we expect the company of a Liverpudlian now living in Cornwall ?

Entertainment
Pasties and Scouse no less, mmmm sounds good actually.Anybody got any beetroot?

Another gay maaaaannnn!

I have a plan. Everyone brings a bag of firewood (any timber will do) and they dump it the boot of my car on arrival (which I'll leave unlocked) and then at high tide we can chuck it all in the Lilo and then back to base camp!
Simples!
As our resident thespian swettie doesn't drive, he'll have to tie a sack of logs to his waist and thereby having a temporary **** which we can burn later.

[skate]

Would a wheelbarrow help or is it all sand on the way to the set up area?
Looking forward to some seaside frolics and some bass hunting

[Ivan...]

Hi Al, nah wheelbarrow no good bud, anyway with Richie bringing his fleet and with a bit of a wander we will be fine , also takes up valuable beer room!

[savagebushcraft]

A wheel barrow may be useful for the coastal path route, but not the beach route. I was going to bring my folding camp barrow (made from old wheelbarrow frame), if I can get it finished in time. Would also be useful for bevvie logistics too

[Bucephalas]

I have the answer!

[dave53]

hi all looking forward to the meet so ivan hanging is a no go then i will bring a tent then its only a one man if i bring a tarp as well that will be enough room oh and a bit of wood regards dave

[Kernowek Scouser]

Panties are a requirement for participation in this seaside jolly, part of some kind of 'hide the pasty' initiation ritual that I have not yet been made aware of?

Will there be sufficient quantities of lubricant to go around?

[redandshane]

"Would a wheelbarrow help"

Yeah Yeah I can see in the future and it will Believe me


We ca put it in this
http://www.hovercraft-hire.co.uk/

[Bucephalas]

Colin, we use hand sanitiser as lube; it has many uses!

[Kernowek Scouser]

Sadly I will not now be enjoying alternative uses for hand sanitizer in the near future.

After having assured me that I could loosen my shackles and join in the beach side fun, by employer / slave master has now indicated that I will be required to toil at the coalface throughout the weekend of the planned festivities.

As I do not currently have a Plan B on the employment front, a winning lottery tickets down the back of the sofa or a girlfriend whose Father owns a brewery (although he has spent enough in many a pub to have honorary shares in one) when my rather hollow ultimatum to 'start looking for another job if I wasn't given time off' was met with a shrug and a 'whatever' by Ernst Stavro Blofeld's sh:tty sibling, I quickly adopted a less combative tone, to avoid a P45 moment and a potential swim with piranha's sharks in the Evil Ones secret underground lair.

So after throwing my has into the ring, I must once again reluctantly withdraw it.

I hope you all have a wonderful time, get suitable lubricated and hide a pasty in my honour.

Colin

[redandshane]

Ach work its the curse of the beercrafting massif;that is a shame Hopefully meet in the fullness of time mate

Oh well just Ivan to worry about nicking my kit while I am asleep now