The Fiery Pants of Shame - Norwegian holiday/Arctic course report.

[Imagedude]

Back on night shifts on Wednesday night...

[addo]

That was a very funny read, and great pictures too.
The museums looked interesting and being close to each other is handy.

[Bodge]

Very good account of events, warts and all.

[Twodogs]

Cracking read , nice one

Twodogs

[TurboGirl]

I'm soooo glad Wayland told me to read the rest of this... I'm laughing so much, the tears are rolling down my legs!!

[Imagedude]

I'm laughing so much, the tears are rolling down my legs!!

Legs? They may not be tears!

Wednesday: Another casual 'crack of 9AM' start followed by a short walk to an area with deepish snow. Here we learnt about snow shelters. As a group we made a shelter by digging a hole in the snow and surrounding it with snow walls. The roof was made from branches covered with blocks of snow. As ever, we carried spare clothing, food etc even though we were not travelling far.

Snow shelter with pine roof


Covering the roof with snow.


Ducky tries it on for size


We have a cold dinner while Woody lights a fire and has a 'fry up'.



After lunch we attacked a tree with our axes. We learnt that the smallest axe worth carrying (IMHO) has a 2lb head and a 60cm shaft.

Ducky makes the last cut

Notice how a forrester will cut a tree as low as possible to maximise yield while an arborist will cut the tree higher up at a more comfortable height i.e. waist level.

But this is my prefered method of felling a tree, with a saw (preferably with a big 2 stroke motor attached).


Anyway, after felling the tree we practiced our axemanship by chopping the tree into manageable pieces.
The main lesson for me was that carrying a decent saw, a good sized axe and a strong shovel is never a wasted exercise.

Then it was back to camp for some snap (food).

Pete eats while Chris 'borrows' a Rizla.


Not having a smoke proof pot suitable for hanging over a wood fire meant that I had to brew-up on a meths stove. It's amazing how snow melted in an open pot over the fire picks up the taste of the smoke.

My brew kit

Those insulated mugs are great piece of kit, especially for 'Northern Tea-Breathers' like me.
The Brew kit was an Evernew meths stove and windshield, Primus 1.7 litre Etapot with lid and pan handle, foil stand and Aladin insulated mug with lid.

Chris prepares his dinner, baccy with a side order of Rizzla. Notice his custom roll-up making log workbench. We could have used that as a chopping block but no, it was Chris's special rolly bench. For conditions when it is too cold to prepare rollies I can recommend a new type of ciggie known as a 'ready made'. Better still, smoke a pipe. Pipes are usefull for pointing at things and poking young people with when you are telling them about the old days.


After dinner we went back up to the lake and talked about safety when walking on frozen rivers etc. We also prepped some fishing lines, 4 in total. Fishing is a Marmite subject, you either like it or you don't. I can take it or leave it but it is worth learning the basics. On our return from the lake we split into 3 teams and had an emergency fire lighting contest. I was carrying a flask of fuel so we had a distinct advantage. Then we went back to camp and lit another fire, can't have too much practice!

The day's walking had made my feet sweat so I dried my socks by the fire. It's advisable to remove feet from socks first but I was being lazy (conserving energy). Notice the brown staining on the felt boot liners on the left of frame. I wonder how that happened!

[rik_uk3]

Vote +1 on the bow saw, if axes were that good the lumberjacks would still be using them As you said, even better with a bit of vroom vroom behind them.

[TurboGirl]

...Notice the brown staining on the felt boot liners on the left of frame. I wonder how that happened!

Note to Tony.... please never EVER update the website with SmellOVision App...

[benp1]

Just read this, fantastic read and very funny

[Imagedude]

Must get round to finishing the tale...

[Anzia]

I just read this thread for the first time and I've got tummy ache from laughing Excellent writing, sir!

[hog]

Fantastic trip report and I was pi$$ing myself over the evacuation of your bowels, great stuff and it looks like a brilliant trip, many thanks
Hog.

[Chris the Cat]

Brought it all back!
Outstanding mate!!
c.

[relfy]

When I wet myself laughing at this, it felt quite shameless in comparison Brilliant story. Thanks for sharing!

[Womble_Lancs]

Oh gods, Relfy, you just had to bump this one, didn't you? I nearly stopped breathing, I was laughing so much!

[Dave]

I must have missed this first time around.

[Willowisp]

Thank you very much for this great story, Imagedude! I still have to chuckle from your adventures with the fiery pants of shame
Have you ever thought about earning your money as a humorous travel writer? You're good at that!

[sandbender]

I have enjoyed looking through those, thanks for posting.