One I heard the other day. The person telling it said it was about their neighbours, but I'm not so sure. Anyway...
A middle-aged husband and wife are sitting in front of the TV one evening. The wife turns to her husband, and says "Darling, I wish you'd fix that dripping tap." The husband says "Why do you expect me to fix it, I'm not a plumber."
After a few minutes, the wife says "OK, but perhaps you could change the light bulb in the hallway." Husband replies, getting rather tetchy "So, now you think I'm an electrician. Well I'm not".
After a few more minutes, the wife says "So, how about fixing the sticking door in the kitchen?". Now really annoyed the husband says "I'm not a carpenter either! I'm going down the pub. I'll be back after closing time", and with that he walks out.
Later that evening he returns home, and having processed the alcohol he's drunk he visits the toilet, where he notices that the tap no longer drips. He checks the hallway light, and its now working. So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough, the cupboard door is fixed. He heads upstairs where his wife is in bed, and says to her "Darling, I never knew you were so talented, you've fixed the tap, the light, and the door."
"Actually, I didn't. The young guy who's just moved in next door popped round to borrow some teabags, and when he found me upset, and I explained why, he fixed them for me."
"But I bet he charged for it" said the husband.
The wife responded, "Actually no. He said I could either bake him a cake, or have sex with him"
"So what did you say", said the curious husband.
"I told him I wasn't a baker."