View Full Version : How do I get in a hammock when paraletic?
Been thinking about this one for a while, visited Middlemud twice for the day, and ended up sat around the campfire, after dark, while half a dozen bottles of 'Home brew' spirits are passed around multiple times (I had to 'Pass' every offer cos of driving home).
Now in the expectation that a similar thing will happening this next weekend (and im not driving anywhere), how do i get into a hammock after a skinful without doing a faceplant in the mud?
Do i sling my hammock deliberately low to allow for the otherwise comical 'straddle' technique, or do i fashion a couple of rope spreaders to allow a bigger target area for my butt?
As you may have guessed, I haven't got into a hammock sober or drunk as yet and any cameramen within the vacinity at the alloted time will be shot at dawn.
Advice, photo's, do not's, and comments needed.
You're going to end up sleeping collapsed on the earth next to your hammock, I predict.
Tony, When are you going to site? I'll be there from Friday lunchtime and will be sleeping in a hammock again, so I can show you the two methods that I use.
Chris
DoctorSpoon
28-10-2008, 08:07
Accept the laws of gravity and just put the hammock on the ground in the first place!
Accept the laws of gravity and just put the hammock on the ground in the first place!
I agree, you'll still have that spinning rocking feeling, without the risk of being on "you've been Framed"
How do I get in a hammock when paraletic?
Carefully, very carefully!:lmao:
Close your eyes and use The Force.
Does it matter ? You`re only going to fall out anyway
These words do not instil me with much confidence, I foresee camera flashes and much tittering.
Im arriving Friday morning (early), so i might get some practice in unseen.
It might be a good idea to hang it about 3" off the ground just in case you take a tumble Tony
Shambling Shaman
28-10-2008, 10:06
Pitch your hammock not to far form the social area and drink in your hammock and just stay there...:rolleyes:
No seriously, I find its the boot removal that gets me, If you plan your bed routine carefully ie have your sleeping bad turned down ready a dry area to SIT and get boots off..:)
And obviously practice getting in and out before the drinking starts ;)
Tripitaka
28-10-2008, 10:08
Ask StJon - he managed it at Morch's last meet! :lmao:
Why has nobody done a photo-tutorial on this subject?
Is this some sort of cruel initiation, 3 face plants later, you all tell me the secret?
Would bringing a short step ladder help?
Could i lower myself in with some sort of winch system?
So many Q's.
korvin karbon
28-10-2008, 10:34
Ask StJon - he managed it at Morch's last meet! :lmao:
damn you beat me to it. I did notice i was the only one who checked he was still alive :p
I keep being told that I'll be warmer, more comfortable, have a better outdoor experience, etc., etc., using a hammock, and that's without me being paralytic..........you're not filling me with confidence on these contraptions folks :rolleyes:
Are you sure it's worth the bother :confused: The ground is at least stable......usually ;) :D
atb,
M
Come on guys, you've got to catch him at it! and then send the vid to You've been framed! Thats 250 quids for you then....:D :D
Oh come on with the proper preperation getting in the hammock when drunk is easy, just pay extra attention when setting up the hammock.
Do the following.
Spread the hammock out on the ground, between to trees.........
AND LEAVE IT THERE !!!!
statikpunk
28-10-2008, 12:27
buy a hennessy hammock since you go in through the bottom and its all sealed you cant fall out when inebriated ! dont ask me how I know that or why that influenced my decision on what hammock to own:o :eek: :eek:
andywinkk
28-10-2008, 12:45
you say faceplant in the mud?
the weather forcast is cold so the mud will be rock hard so you may end up with a bloody nose,
BorderReiver
28-10-2008, 12:52
Forget the hammock. Put on your warm gear under waterproof smock and trousers before you start to sup and just curl up and sleep beside the fire. That way you won't trip over anything and damage yourself.
1 get in hammock first
2 then use a 2 meter drinking straw to sip your whiskybottle empty...
Cheers,
Tom
Not sure about the "Get in the hammock and then drink" school of thought as what goes in one end has to ..... you know the rest, and they don't do nappies in my size in Tesco.
The "leave the hammock on the ground" crew are forgetting that it ain't a level site, God knows where i'd wake up.
I demand a share of any profit gained from vids of my exploits.
Rock-Mud ...... I'll be sporting a crash helmet.
phaserrifle
28-10-2008, 17:27
here's an idea:
take it slowly.
try getting in to it when a little merry. when you can do that continue to the next steps: slightly tipsy, tipsy, very tipsy, slighty sloshed, quite drunk, and finaly generously sloshed. only then attempt when paralytic. it may help, it may not....
here's an idea:
take it slowly.
try getting in to it when a little merry. when you can do that continue to the next steps: slightly tipsy, tipsy, very tipsy, slighty sloshed, quite drunk, and finaly generously sloshed. only then attempt when paralytic. it may help, it may not....
Sorry but all those attempts (I count seven) to get into my hammock (gaiters off, boots off, limber up, make an attempt, boots on, gaiters on) will seriously cut into my drinking time:confused: ........ or was that some sort of evil masterplan to keep me sober?:eek:
Not sure about the "Get in the hammock and then drink" school of thought as what goes in one end has to ..... you know the rest, and they don't do nappies in my size in Tesco.
Many of our more uncouth members, so I am told, take a bottle to bed with them in their hammock. Apparently, you can roll onto your side, unload (carefully:umbrella:) and cuddle the bottle on colder nights like a hot water bottle.:eek:
Like I said, some of the more uncouth member, not me - never!:o :rolleyes:
Simon
alpha_centaur
28-10-2008, 21:14
You've never slept in a hammock before and you intend to sleep in one paralytic, I've gotta see that video. Not the when you get in the when you realise the world is swinging big style and you really need to get out in a hurry.
My advice use a bivvy bag its on the ground and you can fall any further than that.
Enjoy Dude.
And you can write the tutorial and stop me looking like a fool (with the hammock) at morch's when I eventually make it down.
drewdunnrespect
28-10-2008, 21:16
i just read your message about emptying your load in your hammock well i was eating my tea need we have really known that
i just read your message about emptying your load in your hammock well i was eating my tea need we have really known that
Not me - someone told me that is what some of our members do, not me.
Having said that... if you see a wide neck green nalgene bottle on the floor next to my hammock, don't open it:eek:
Simon
drewdunnrespect
28-10-2008, 21:29
lololololololol
I wouldn't worry about it Tony, ive yet to sleep in my hammock sober. I normally wake up cold and as I fell into it but still in it, just. There quite forgiving. Especially if slung low :D
My other thought about this whole anti-gravity sleep system is that i might be lucky enough to fall into my hammock but then i've somehow got to get into a sleeping bag while swinging out of control.
Any tips on that lil gem?
Climbing harness, long rope, and some pullies should do it with fear falling :D
steven andrews
29-10-2008, 00:08
You're in Britain - sleep on the ground.
You're in Britain - sleep on the ground.
One problem with that, last time (Easter) the mud was 4" deep, we've had a lot more rain and a complete season of scouts churning it up.:puppy_dog
The method I prefered for drunken nights was to mostly get in the bag before getting into the hammock.
Rig the hammock low, sitting height where you can place both feet on the floor.
Have something clean and dry to stand on, a waterproof jacket will do.
Sit in the middle of hammock, with sleeping bag one side jacket the other.
Best way I find to do this when wobbly yourself is lift the far side of the hammock up behind you, as it works as a kinda backrest, and plonk your bottom squarely in the center of the hammock keeping both feet on the floor
Take off boots and socks, ( one foot at a time ) put jacket on floor under feet.
Stand back up and take of rest of clothing, put on sleepwear, thermals etc.
Sit back down in center of hammock and grab sleeping bag, unzip most of way.
Stand back up putting feet into the bottom of the sleeping bag and pull it up, zip to about waist height.
Plonk yourself back into the sitting positon of the hammock, only now your sitting in the sleeping bag, with feet still on the floor for stability, pull bag up, one arm in if it's side zipped, hood over head and hold front edge of hammock with free hand.
Swing legs up and fall into hammock only having to worry about sleeping position and the last part of the zip.
Trying it a few times sober will help in judging just where to sit along the length of the hammock so you fall almost straight into your favoured sleeping position.
That's roughly what I do, but I battle with a fleece sleeping bag liner (which doesn't have a side opening!) when it's cold - I like being warm (I've done the whole -17 degC in a 2 season sleeping bag thing and don't feel the need to repeat it).
Chris
With the underblanket you are already insulated underneath.
I unzip my doss bag, just keeping the foot section sealed and use it like a quilt. Jamb your feet in the bottom, tuck in the edge around you and go to sleep. Makes getting at your "water bottle" easier to, so I've been told!
Simon
My other thought about this whole anti-gravity sleep system is that i might be lucky enough to fall into my hammock but then i've somehow got to get into a sleeping bag while swinging out of control.
Any tips on that lil gem?
The general practice is to wriggle around like an enormous green maggot for about 10 minutes, then once you`ve eventually worn yourself out and got so twisted up in lumpy bits of fabric, just close your eyes and wait for the rocking to stop.
Womble_Lancs
29-10-2008, 09:59
how do i get into a hammock after a skinful without doing a faceplant in the mud?
It's OK, I'll show you how it's done. Mad Dave and Spikey DaPikey will testify to my rather 'interesting' technique... :sulkoff:
Womble_Lancs
29-10-2008, 10:02
The general practice is to wriggle around like an enormous green maggot for about 10 minutes, then once you`ve eventually worn yourself out and got so twisted up in lumpy bits of fabric, just close your eyes and wait for the rocking to stop.
That's sort of how I did it, except the wriggling and kicking lasted about 20 minutes, accompanied by much cursing. I never managed to get into the dossbag and at one point I did have a rather interesting view of the floor through my mozzie net, whilst Mad Dave and Spike tried very hard not to laugh, for fear of being thumped by a frustrated Womble.
That said, I was quite warm and comfortable, once I'd given up on the dossbag and used it as a blanket instead.
How the h*ll do I know, ah canny remember a thing... though Tam said once I saw my storm candle I was of like an exocet...thanks Tam for pointing me in the right direction ; )
jon
OK folks,
I think I've cracked it. String up 2 hammocks, one above the other.... In a paraletic state, (try to) get into the top hammock.
Chances are you will have a good nights sleep in the bottom hammock :-)
gregorach
29-10-2008, 11:59
It's a hammock people, not brain surgery - it's really not that hard! Heck, I use a really snug mummy bag with no zip, and as anyone who's met me at any of the Scottish meets will testify, I'm not shy about indulging in the fruit of the barley... It's not easy to fall out of a hammock once you're in.
Thanks for the tips, sound like it's a case of working out what works for you and hoping nobody spots you when it all goes A over T.
korvin karbon
29-10-2008, 13:42
simple solution, get a HUGEEEEEEE hammock, one of the ones that can take 3 people, fling duvets in and then collapse at any angle into the hammock
The general practice is to wriggle around like an enormous green maggot for about 10 minutes, then once you`ve eventually worn yourself out and got so twisted up in lumpy bits of fabric, just close your eyes and wait for the rocking to stop.
I agree ;)
I have my sleeping bag and bivi bag all setup in the hammock with the mat in the bivibag but not in the sleeping bag. I then shove all of the contents slightly down to the foot end of the hammock. I then sit in the hammock whilst taking off my keks one leg at a time and placing my feet back inside my boots. Once i am down to my grundies i then pull up my feet and start the 10 minute wriggle ! Once in my bag i grab the hammock above my head and pull/adjust where needed, then adjust my grundies which have now taken on the form of a thong and your set !
2 distinct advantages to this method,
1 Your bare feet or clothing never touch the floor and once yer in you can lean out grab yer boots and place them upside down on some sticks then place any clothing in your pack and slide it under your hammock.
2 The 10 mintues you spend "maggoting around" for want of a better term gets your heart rate up a little so helps you warm up your bag.
I have tried standing up in your bag then falling in etc and the above is about the best. There will be no trick or secret method to do any of the above when your ratted but i usually manage it, even after a large amount of winter warmer ;)
Didn't need the image of the thong, thank you very much.
:eek:
sandbag47
29-10-2008, 17:37
the new dd travel can be set upon the ground....problem solved
PJMCBear
29-10-2008, 18:10
I've only fallen out once in three years, and that was watching someone else trying to get in his, killing myself laughing.
phaserrifle
29-10-2008, 18:18
Sorry but all those attempts (I count seven) to get into my hammock (gaiters off, boots off, limber up, make an attempt, boots on, gaiters on) will seriously cut into my drinking time:confused: ........ or was that some sort of evil masterplan to keep me sober?:eek:
sorry should have made this clear: each step should be attempted on different nights.
course it would be time consuming, and take a lot of alcohol;)
But i've only got two nights to perfect my technique, Friday is H-Day at Middlemud.
Spikey DaPikey
30-10-2008, 02:25
Just do what Womble does, it makes for great entertainment :lmao: