View Full Version : Bushcraft Bloopers
Just been practicing a little pyromania as usual in the back yard and reached into my tinder pouch for the last of my dry tinder ... only to find a huge slug :yikes: that had decided it was a nice dry place to hide...
Last night my pothanger collapsed dropping a billy full of water onto the fire... :lol:
So what are your funny stories of when things didn't go quite to plan??
C'mon tell all - we won't laugh, promise! :nana:
mmmn
its got to be , getting a tremendous ear- bashing from the wife, for stinking-up the whole of a weeks laundry.
kids up in arms cos they couldnt go on their dates.
dog smelt like november the 5th
guess who ,had been practising his bowdrill in the utility room
seagull
Making charcloth indoors.
Pervasive...
MartiniDave
03-08-2004, 08:54
Last year, just after I got back from my Introduction to Bushcraft with Woodlore (and Ray himself - nice bloke I thought) I went out in the garden to practice firelighting with some bits of cramp ball. I struck a nice shower of sparks with the firesteel, picked up the cramp ball and blew vigorously on it. A big bit of glowing cinder-like material left off the cramp ball and landed smack bag on the chest of my fleece - which my wife had bought me for my birthday. The result was a big hole in the fleece and a rollicking from the missus!! :yikes: The fleece now has a land rover badge sown over the hole as a constant reminder!
Oh well, you live and learn!
Dave
:rolmao:
I burned a hole in my skirt the other night the exact same way! :biggthump
Got to be the Dartmoor trip.
I decided to have an early morning cuppa only to discover the brew kit was not in my pack. The remembered I'd put the bag of sugar, tea bags and milk pots by the door to put into my food bag... :roll:
Thankfully Leon came to the rescue!
1) Practising friction fire in the basement. The house did have that nice campfire smell for 2 days.
2) Forgetting that fresh wet muskrat skin in the other basement and wondering where that smell came from.
:rolmao:
TheViking
03-08-2004, 11:06
Hi...
This year, hiking in Sweden. My father and I agreed that I took the big tarp and HE took nearly all our clothes. And off course, when we stood there, in the middle of :censored: nowhere, we discovered that I only had underpants and socks. Nothing more! :wink: He forgot my clothes..... :yikes: :roll: :biggthump (Off course I was wearing something! :wink: )
Cheers :uu:
MagiKelly
03-08-2004, 12:03
I was in a local river valley trying out one of those cheap hammocks you get. All went fine at first. I set up the tarp and the hammock underneath it. Then down at the river side got a fire going and settled down to cook some food and enjoy the evening.
The tarp and hammock were about 4 or 5 meters away up the slope. On one side of the hammock the ground was about 2 foot down and on the other about 4 foot so it was a fair slope.
Bed time approached and I decide to get into the hammock. Now this being my first time and not wanting to take any chance of getting wet my plan was to put my thermarest on the hammock, my sleeping bag in my bivi bag and that on top of the mat. Well you can imagine what it was like trying to get in with the mat slipping along the hammock and the bivi bag slipping against the mat and me trying to get in without falling down the hill. Did I also mention this was in the early spring and so pitch dark.
Eventually I decide the bivi bag is more bother than it is worth and settle for the sleeping bag direct on the mat. This is much more manageable but still a little awquard. I am a little disappointed as the sides of the hammock come up and I cannot see around. I like to be able to open my eyes and see what is going on in the outdoors, one of the great advantages of not using a tent. I find if I pull myself up to the string part of the hammock I can see but gravity tends to make me slide back down again. So I get out and adjust the Hammock to make site it is level and taught so I do not slide as much. This makes it slightly easier to see.
Just as I settle down I hear rain on the tarp. So on goes the torch and I lie there watching to see if rain works its way down the hammock ties etc. Satisfied I am in for a dry night off goes the torch and I settle back down. I pull my head up to the string part one last time just as I hear a really loud zipping noise.
Instantly I am on the ground tobogganing down the slope in a sleeping bag on top of a thermarest mat. The stitching holding the strings had burst at one point and almost instantly just ripped out right along. So in the dark shooting down a slope towards the river in the rain. Luckily my arms had been out of the sleeping bag to pull myself up otherwise I would only have stopped when I hit something. I did manage to stop and luckily there was no damage to me or my kit (excluding the hammock). I moved camp to a level area nearby and got the fire going again to dry out so no real harm done other than not getting back into my sleeping bag till after midnight. Still it was all good practice.
:rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao: :rolmao:
Sorry mate, but that is classically funny. Or is it just my warped sense of humour?
It's your warped sanse of Humour, Jak.
Shame on you.
:nana:
And I love you too John!
MagiKelly
03-08-2004, 12:31
Looking back now it is certainly funny and to be honest even at the time it was quite amusing as nothing serious was at stake.
The really funny bit was how I managed to change from Outdoor Man setting up camp etc to Mr Bean getting into hammock etc than back to Outdoor Man for camp relocation etc.
falling rain
03-08-2004, 13:07
I once collected cat tail down seed heads after it had been raining and placed it in the airing cupboard in a mixing bowl to dry out before using it for tinder. The next day when I got home from work the Mrs greeted me with a face like thunder. She went to take a towel out of the airing cupboard and there were little maggots all over the show. They must have buried themselves deep into the cat tial down to protect themselves from the rain or something. They were all over the clothes etc. My Mrs absolutely hates maggots and she informed me she'd screamed the place down, and slung the whole bowl and it's maggot ridden contents into the bin. :?: Not the most popular guy in town after that one !! :shock:
Collecting dry tinder/kindling in a light rain. Stuffed aforementioned tinder/kindling down into inside pocket of new jacket. Or so I thought.
Got back to start fire, reached inside jacket to get tinder/kindling out with a flourish, hand went right down ... and out bottom of what was actually a flap, not a pocket.
Did this in front of mates. Had to go out and get more tinder/kindling while they kept warm laughing.
Justin Time
04-08-2004, 00:04
Making an anti-gravity pot-hanger on my course with Woodsmoke a couple of years ago....I cut the hook notches on the hanger so they faced upwards which of course meant they couldn't sit on the long pole...... :?: :roll:
Trekking in the snow long time ago, holding map and ice axe in the same hand, planting compass on top then wondering why I was turning round but still couldn't get the needle to line up with North. Doh ! :o):
ChrisKavanaugh
04-08-2004, 05:08
I was on an archaeological project up in Northern California. We 6 spent the first night in a remote park service cabin. We had a fire going in the woodstove with coffee simmering, the resident mice bribed not to muck about and were falling asleep in our bags . Then we heard it, Thump!---Thump!---Thump! and on down the rearwall. A short pause and Thump!---Thump!---Thump! across the front. We had visions of Bigfoot, a grizz, axe murderers as we watched intentedly at the single front door. THUMP!---THUMP!---THUMP! it was around back again. By this time we looked like the Dueling Daltins extracting various manly-man firearms; one.44 mag revolver,a 12 guage shotguns, three Winchester lever action carbines and yours truly with a 1914 SMLE loaded with ancient Canadian Dominion brand 215 grain bear loads- AND a 1907 long pattern bayonet if the10 rounds failed :?: Now another short silence and THUMP!-THUMP!-THUMP! around front. We decided to make a fast egress when it was around the back again, regroup and confront whatever our nemesis was. We did, screaming like banshees as we stumbled overeach other to a slight knoll in the treeline. Several hours of whispered "do you see anything? No, do You? Want to go back inside? Hell no, you first." We were miserable, cold and convinced every slasher film undying killer was sneaking up on us at that very moment. Night finally gave way to the faint light of dawn. Then I saw our beastie. Somebody had brightened the sparce frame cabin with native shrubs @ 3 feet tall spaced evenly around. A night wind would curl down the small meadow, hit the trees and flow back on itself.
:o):
What a good laugh all round! Sorry Magikelly but I could help it! :rolmao:
And Chris the thought of all you guys jumping out with your guns ready ...
Wet muskrats, maggoty cattails, spinning compasses and the rest - you guys are a great crowd! The meetup should be hilarious ... :super:
And Andrew, do tell what an anti-grav potholder is - I gotta get me one of those!?!
:wave:
The moral of the story: if you're going to carry wet chlorine (water purifying) tablets in your pack all day, be sure the plastic bag does not have a hole in it.
The story? You can guess. :roll:
i still haven't read something about charcloth and table cloths :P
i can't really think of a blooper i made. I did once walked on a trail right next a river which was 5 meters lower and than suddenly i was hugging a tree, right knee on the trail other leg dangeling and my "thirth leg" in a rather uncomfortable position... i was wearing a 15 KG pack, too...
Found out what an anti-gravity pot holder was and tried it out. And guess what? I did the exact same thing as Justin Time and cut the notches the wrong way ... :roll:
I'm having no luck with wooden potholders! I think it's a lack of decent wood to choose from. Almost getting tempted to go for a metal tripod ... :shock: but luckily Adi007 stepped in and made me a good solid tripod out of some old conifer branches. :super: Hopefully it won't catch fire while my back is turned...
Never really used skewers over a real fire before (rather than a BBQ). Last night all my kebabs fell into the fire when the support sticks burnt through (luckily they still tasted good after scraping the ashes off! :wink:)
Tonight's were better and as usual it's all down to practice! Practice! Practice! Practice! And patience too. I have to remind myself that I get better each time I do things, learning little tricks along the way like skewering chunks of meat as far apart as possible and using really THICK branches as the supports.
(And not to switch to metal skewers coz they get REALLY hot and you can't grab ahold of them like the wooden ones!! :shock: :nono:)
It's all fun innit? And a sense of humour is essential ... :rolmao:
And not to switch to metal skewers coz they get REALLY hot and you can't grab ahold of them like the wooden ones!!
the advantage of that is that it ensures your meat is cooked through. you can also use the skewers as a precarious pot stand. :o): i tend to use leather gloves or a hat or bandanna for handling stuff off the fire.
cheers, and.
the advantage of that is that it ensures your meat is cooked through.Cheers Sargey - hadn't thought of that! :wink: :super:
bushwacker bob
08-08-2004, 08:22
i tend to use leather gloves or a hat or bandanna for handling stuff off the fire. :yikes:
dont you burn your head? :rolmao: :rolmao:
hi kath a good tip i picked up on one of my many trip's to madiera is to use wooden file handle's on my skewers i never get burnd now but have burnd the odd handle or two hope that helps :wave:
Good idea Grummit! :biggthump
Darn it I did it again! My really thick (!) cross bars/skewar supports burned through last night and the whole kit and kaboodle collapsed into the fire again. :lol: Saved the dinner luckily... :-)
(Any tricks anyone? Green wood perhaps??)
While testing some cattail down with a firesteel in wales I fluffed it and popped it on the ground so my buddy could see the technique. It didn't occur to me how it had been blazing hot for 2 days (in Wales...I know) and the grass was pretty dry. So I sent a shower of sparks sizzling into the cattail fluff and the grass around immediately burst into flame. So there were we doing the Native American Fire Dance, stamping out the grass fire that was zipping along the footpath.... How embarrassed??. The ironic thing was, the cattail fluff was unscathed !! :shock:
I can just picture it ... ! :rolmao:
:rolmao: That's just too funny!
Although it does highlight just how flammable things can get after just a little sun!
Kath,
Tip for your wooden skewers, soak them for at LEAST an hour, preferabyyl 2-3, before use. The wood absorbs a lot of water and so doesn't burn, or at least it should last long enough to cook the food and not burn through...
Keith_Beef
09-08-2004, 11:20
..snip..
(And not to switch to metal skewers coz they get REALLY hot and you can't grab ahold of them like the wooden ones!! :shock: :nono:)..snip..
Not a very bushy tale, but I am Mr. BBQ when we're on holiday. Twice per day, every day, it's barbecue time. Black pudding, sausage, kebabs, tomatoes, onions, everything (except lettuce) goes on there. I've even started doing the coffee on the BBQ.
I have some long skewers, about 14" (35cm). I'm not sure what you'd call the section; sort of oval, but pointy, like two convex-ground knives spine to spine. I put bay handles on them; short lengths, about 2" (5cm) × 1/2" (1.25cm).
I also have some shorter skewers, that have a ring at one end, are square in section, and twisted. I use a small stick with a side shoot to hook these to pick them up.
To grab hold of the other end of a skewer, you can make a thing like an old-fashioned clothes peg, that you push over the metal to grab it.
Otherwise, like the other poster said: take gloves with you. They're always useful for getting through thorny patches.
Keith.
Last night my pothanger collapsed dropping a billy full of water onto the fire...
I did the same thing Kath, except the circumstances were worse. Myself and my dad had finally found a spot after walking with lots of equiptment for what seemed and eternity.
As he was pitching the tent, we were both very cold and very thirsty. "cup of tea?" so i made a huge thing of water and just as it came to the boil and i was about to poor it...splash, out goes the fire. Happened a few times that weekend.
Cheers,
Jake
Fatbloke
10-08-2004, 18:49
I went on a 4 day dog sled trip into the mountains in Sweden a few years ago with a guide. 2 days into the trip, almost at the point of no return, we stopped for a brew up and to give the dogs a break.
I was in charge of the food and had not screwed the lid on the fuel bottle properly after breakfast. Paraffin was sloshing around the box containing the stove, fuel can and supplies.
There I was, a dumb Englishman, in the middle of a snowy somewhere with a distinctly unhappy Swede. Fortunately we managed to salvage some of the fuel and enough of the food was untainted to last until we got back to a cabin where we refreshed the supplies.
We did actually laugh about it later but I still have cold sweats about it. It's easy to see how people get in trouble in the great outdoors.
Here's a different sort of blooper...
Told my mum I wanted to use the 45l Berghaus pack I'd lent her some time ago but it would need cleaning.
Last night I heard a load double bang just as I was dropping off the sleep.
Rushed downstairs to find she'd put it in the washing machine! :yikes:
The door had come open and flooded the kitchen floor and the straps of the pack were flailing around whipping the patio doors.
Moral of the story - whilst mothers can be helpful, NEVER trust them with you camping gear :nono:
Once some time ago I was making a ghillie suit, and I read somewhere about putting it through the washing machine to "fluff it up" - regretably, and being the eager-beaver i was, I didn't read the disclaimer which mentioned that it has the potential to bung your machine up with hessian and fluff for weeks to come. My mother went mental!
Since then my single worst blooper occured when I was bashering up with a friend. They threw a log onto our raging inferno of a fire (Very unprofessional!), which sent a shower of sparks skyward. We thought nothing of it at the time. But, latter that night, when we climbed into our pits we realised we could see stars throught the basha sheet - literally hundreds of little burn marks where the sparks had melted through the sheets leaving lots of tiny little wholes!!!!
Just to dig up an old thread again.
I lent a mate my spare tarp on Thursday night as he doesn`t have his own. After an half an hour of progging for wood we thought we should put up the shelters as it was starting to get dark.
I chucked him the tarp from my pack and after a couple of minutes he said " I don`t get this, how do I tie it up". Thinking he`d just forgotten his knots I went over to give him a hand, it was then I realised I`d taken off all the cordage for another project. Oops !
We managed to bodge it with some pine roots at either end.
Rich
Just to dig up an old thread again.
I lent a mate my spare tarp on Thursday night as he doesn`t have his own. After an half an hour of progging for wood we thought we should put up the shelters as it was starting to get dark.
I chucked him the tarp from my pack and after a couple of minutes he said " I don`t get this, how do I tie it up". Thinking he`d just forgotten his knots I went over to give him a hand, it was then I realised I`d taken off all the cordage for another project. Oops !
We managed to bodge it with some pine roots at either end.
Rich
:lol: No no, what you mean is you purposely left the cordage at home to practice your root cordage skills in the field. :lmao:
Nag.
Barn Owl
01-03-2008, 20:15
I've done the bull rush one re: tinder...ended up with a sac full of maggots.
Luckily i'd emptied it and only a few got out of the liner but they did manage to chew holes in it.
bushyboo
01-03-2008, 21:06
i put some bull rush heads on the radiator to dry them out a bit ended up with lots of little fluffy things all around the house swmbo was not a happy bunny she wanst very happy when i stank the house out making an antler whistle in the kitchen with the dremmel either
gordon
Barn Owl
01-03-2008, 21:20
Aye,
Antler has that 'certain' aroma when worked.
Mike Ameling
02-03-2008, 02:00
Drove 3 hours one January to a winter fur trade era gathering. 2 to 3 feet of snow everywhere, and temps expected to be 10 to 20 degrees below zero (Ferenheit) for the whole weekend. Got there, started setting up my camp, and found out I forgot my tent canvas! My buddy was a bit ... um ... upset. No problem. I just dug out the shovel and hollowed out one of the snowbanks. Used a spare blanket to cover our "door". We actually had a pretty nice "camp".
Another time, we went to another winter fur trade gathering. Got there, and my buddy had forgot the tent poles. Well, we searched a bit along the edge of the timber and found a likely looking clump of bushes. Threw our tarp up over it, crawled inside following the rabbit trails, and had another nice camp.
Or having the snow field we set up camp in MELT the next day into 6 inches of slush! Bailing out the firepit every 20 minutes to keep our fire from floating away was a new experience. At least the rising creek never got closer than 3 feet to us. The guys farther down the hill had to move in their camps in the middle of the night to stay "dry".
A friend and his 8 year old daughter came for a visit a couple winters ago. After spending a couple hours roaming the hills looking for shed deer antlers (SHE found more than we did!), he sacked out on the coach while I taught her how to use flint and steel to start a fire - on the livingroom carpet. The carpet never was in danger (no matter how he tells it), but he woke up to a room full of smoke! OK, we then went outside and talked her through making the whole fire. And then roasted hotdogs.
Then there's all the times I was sewing up a shirt/jacket/pants/tent/tarp when I also sewed it to the leg of my pants. Or the time I finished up my new ditty-bag, stuffed it full, and then had the bottom fall out (put my stitches too close to the edge and they pulled out).
Or the time my buddy brought along shredded and dried potatoes from the store - so that he could make potato pancakes. He put them in water to re-hydrate. They turned orange. There were CARROTS and he hates carrots! The bushes were suddenly decorated with orange streamers. So he then decided to make cornmeal mush - for the whole camp. He got a one gallon pot of water simmering, and got several other guys lined up to "stir the pot" the moment he poured in the cornmeal. Well, he poured in his whole bag of cornmeal! They all commenced to stirring - franticly! All of a sudden, the cornmeal set up SOLID. One wood spoon broke, and the others almost had to be chipped out. Two of those guys won't eat cornmeal to this day.
And then there were the hid tanning "experiments", the tries at dying cloth and leather with walnuts. Or putting up a 16 foot by 56 foot long military surplus tent with no instructions, parts missing, and no help.
And the stories can go on and on ...
Just some of the fun I've had and shared with buddies over the years.
Mikey - yee ol' grumpy blacksmith out in the Hinterlands
p.s. I try to forget that last time we munched half-cooked muskrat after dark in the drizzle and sleet. It has a way of coming back on ya an hour or so later. The adult berverages didn't help.
p.p.s. But I never fell out of any tree I was sleeping in, nor off of any bar top that I decided to take a nap on - unlike several buddies of mine.
Mike Ameling
02-03-2008, 02:07
And DON'T EVER NEVER boil horn inside the kitchen to soften it! Or use a GOOD cooking pan either! Just trust me on that!
Matthew.Passmore
02-03-2008, 21:53
The knots on my Hammock giving way and me waking up on the floor :P
Tying 'temporary' loops in my hammock tapes to get a feel for how to set up using 'biners. Forgetting the temporary nature of the loops and applying 17 stones of weight onto those nice loops.
Spending an hour with a knitting needle trying to un-weld the knots in my hammock tapes :(