View Full Version : For the old and bold amongst us!
You know you've been Army Institutionalised when..........
You use target indication to point out hot chicks...
You use the term 'chicks'
You insist on dancing like a d**k, whilst your civvie mates insist on trying to dance 'properly'.
Your civvie mates don't understand any of the terminology you use such as 'no dramas', 'squared away', 'take a knee' etc....
You can't help saying "Roger", "Say again" and other snappy bits of VP
You use acronyms thinking your civvie mates will understand what you are talking about
You don't have any civvie mates....
You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with`long hair'.
You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend.
You refer to personal organisation as "admin"
Your girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as 'Zero Alpha'
You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can't hear you
You always use the 24 hour clock....
Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more....
You can't watch war movies without giving a running commentary.
People in prison have more contact with women than you do....
You don't trust your mum/wife/girlfriend/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better....
You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion....
You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you're more interesting than most topics of conversation....
You think not shaving is a treat....
You get really irritated when people you don't know call you mate'....
You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit.
You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'.
You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work
Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.
Going out on Thursday "international army night out" wherever it may be, or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don't immediately come over are obviously lesbians.
Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls - as we would like to do, if it weren't for thefact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble - he is clearly gay!
You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday....
You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....
At least half of your DVD collection are war movies....
Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it,about a week after you've told all your soldiers that you 'can't believe how much money they waste on the p**s'....
You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers in the mess
The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for 'enemy depth'....
You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you have licked clean and put it in the pocket of the same shirt you've worn all week is perfectly normal....
All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you're incapable of cooking anything that can't either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold....
You lie when people ask you what you do for a living....
When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can't just give it once, has to be repeated.
When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think, good tank country. If a forestry block - I could get a platoon in here
You survey open ground.
When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with "Reference bushy topped tree etc etc"
Your girlfriend has started saying "admin" and gave you the "Chop" when telling you to put the bin out.
When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has.
Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.
You subconsciously red-pen everything you read.
Oh my god..... all of the above apply......
Heh, I enjoyed that although obviously I didn't fully understand it :)
Have you seen the series "Spaced" with Nick Frost playing quite an amusing character?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shHh4Ju7kXA - the last 4 mins are the best.
err never been in but many of them still apply.
Unfortunately most of what you said rings true lol ( apart from the not working much part!)
Although for me it the air farce.
I really don't know what you mean?:%
The scary thing is that even though my bother has been out of the army for over 20 years I still recognise so many of the signs you listed as part and parcel of his everyday behaviour :rolleyes: :D
cheers,
Toddy
None of them, I repeat, none of them apply to me.
Roger that?
No dramas!
:D
(I'm in silly mood!!):rolleyes:
:) cheers spam, made me chuckle
Say again after 'hello', over?
Oh dear, it's all gone cake and ar*e.:D
Say again after 'hello', over?
Oh dear, it's all gone cake and ar*e.:D
Roger that! Nice to know we are all singing off of the same song sheet, there's probably more but I didn't think it was worth going the full nine yards, suck it and see, some more may turn up later on! Off to get my crispy chicken settled in for some violence on the goggle box.
Over and out!!
:lmao:
(PS. The last bit is a joke, we all know that that is not correct VP!)
Eric_Methven
28-07-2007, 21:59
Roger, Roger. Having a giggle at my location. Over.
My worst, was when giving my name and details on the landline, I'd repeat it phonetically.
'Hello, my name is Eric Methven, that's Mike Echo Tango Hotel.......'
'OK Mike, how can I help you?'
'No, my name is Eric.'
'I thought you said your name was Mike.'
'Never mind.' (Click).
Eric
Never been anywhere near the army, but clearly a forces dad has rubbed off on me 'cos I tick an embarassing number of those.
woodstock
28-07-2007, 22:54
You know you've been Army Institutionalised when..........
Oh my god..... all of the above apply......
That sums it up in its entirety
you did forget to mention not being able to drive past road kill without the overwhelming desire to throw it in the boot or polishing footwear no matter what it is to a mirror Finnish
Dirsturbingly accurate!
I should have spotted this in my six o'clock but I was distracted by a winning lumpy jumper shining in my eleven - threaders!
The leave pass is in with zero alpha to be up so late so I'm off down the Col Gaddaffi to get some Frank Bough down my Gregory Peck 'cos I'm Hank Marvin!
Out!
Have you had a covert OP on me spam?
You know more about me than I do :D
Roger that, mate.
Anyway, I'm chinstrapped and I'm off to my scratcher. I'll put this on a backburner and we'll RV later. :Wow:
John Fenna
29-07-2007, 09:15
I am first generation non military in my family ( and the government have done away with my family regiment d*mn them!) but, lord help me, the list applies to me as well!
Scary!
Or is it genetic......?
My God!!!:eek: I've been out of the Army or 5yrs now, after serving 12, and you have just described me to a tee!!
This will have the Sunray in stitches when I show her later.
Just one thing though - If you ain't wearing ventile your just not ally enough!!:lmao:
"All you need to go to war is a pouch full of ammo and a bottle of water!":beerchug:
mwelch8404
30-07-2007, 05:52
[QUOTE=spamel;311068]You know you've been Army Institutionalised when..........
... and other snappy bits of VP
You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....
Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.
QUOTE]
Although 4 yrs Navy (Corpsman with the Marines) and 13 yrs in the Army (no sea duty,) I'm a Yank, so could use a bit of translation on: VP, NAAFI, and CTR...
But the rest surely do fit.
VP - Voice Procedure
NAAFI - This is our version of your PX (NAAFI break is a morning rest period where most of us would go to the NAAFI for a coffee and an Egg Banjo for example)
CTR - Close Target Recce
Is that better.:D
Eric_Methven
30-07-2007, 09:07
Egg banjo = Fried egg sandwich.
NAAFI = Navy, Army and Air Force Institute.
VP = Verbally Polished
NAAFI = Normally After Ale Fight Instigates
CTR = Carefull Tipeetoe Review
It missed:
The need to constantly find pointless alternatives to established anacronyms or has that now ABC'd?
AMF - Allied Mobile Force aka Another Military F**kup:D
mwelch8404
31-07-2007, 05:04
CTR - Close Target Recce
Ahhh, what snake eaters do - poopin and snoopin. (Site, area or point recon)
[QUOTE=Greg;311375]AMF - Allied Mobile Force aka Another Military F**kup:D[/QUOTE
Kinda like Joint Ops. or, as we used to say, "Joint Army-Navy F**up," better known by the acronyn JANFU.
In the Navy/Marines the junk food/px run was known as a Pogey Bait run. No I have no idea where that started.
Thanks for the translations from English to American.
In the Army I was a Redleg - better known as an Artilleryman. "Artillery lends dignity to what would otherwise be a bloody brawl."
Thanks for the translations from English to American.
In the Army I was a Redleg - better known as an Artilleryman. "Artillery lends dignity to what would otherwise be a bloody brawl."
We used to call the artillery dropshorts, and SAM artillery were cloudpunchers.
In the Army I was a Redleg - better known as an Artilleryman. "Artillery lends dignity to what would otherwise be a bloody brawl."
Radio DJ: "So what music do you like soldier?"
Artillery Guy: "Anything, just play it loud OK!!"
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
(Robin Williams - Good Morning Vietnam.)
We used to call the artillery dropshorts, and SAM artillery were cloudpunchers.
Our MLRS (Multi Launch Rocket System) operators were given the nickname 'Grid Square Removers':D
Damascus
01-08-2007, 17:28
Sad or what, had a bloody good laugh. Been out twenty years and still think the same, bloody civvies don't speak real English.
All I can say is the problem is perminent and one must adjust as best as possible, I find just humuring them when they don't understand.
Maybe we should all start up self help group, thats how all the touchy feelly people do things so we can express our inner feelings, bloody civvies.
So just hang in there, all here to help!!!!!!!:lmao:
crazyclimber
01-08-2007, 21:39
haha. God it was shocking how much of that is true. "Say again", "Roger", clock codes, full hand pointing, the CTRs - it's subconscious I tell you!
P.S. get up there you wimps!...
"Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls - as we would like to do, if it weren't for thefact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble - he is clearly gay!"
Pah! Call yourself men?!! ;)
The Joker
01-08-2007, 21:45
Very well written spam............brings em flooding back:rolleyes: :borgsmile
The scary thing is I can still relate to alot of them
Me: Hey look at that bird!
Wife: Where?
Me: 3 o'clock, 20m, lone tree, half way up branch, bird on branch, RAPID!! Oh better not go that far! But do you see it.
I can't get away from it my last unit is only a few miles up the road and I see old mates of mine every week, even the Obvious is coming round to the lingo now aswell - Its that bad, but good obviously!! I can't have her being a civvi all her life now can I.....:rolleyes:
She still looks at me funny when I tell my son to get his gear squared away.:D
Eric_Methven
02-08-2007, 00:38
Maybe we should all start up self help group, thats how all the touchy feelly people do things so we can express our inner feelings, bloody civvies.
Just so long as you don't want to do 'group hugs' :eek:
Eric
Just so long as you don't want to do 'group hugs' :eek:
Eric
That would be BAD!!!!!!!!!:nono:
Eric_Methven
02-08-2007, 00:45
That would be BAD!!!!!!!!!:nono:
I dunno though, maybe if I was really, really drunk...... Nah! you're right, it'd be BAD!
I dunno though, maybe if I was really, really drunk...... Nah! you're right, it'd be BAD!
Gone are the days of drinking yourself sober eh Eric!!:rolleyes:
oldsoldier
02-08-2007, 02:28
Spamel, thats hilarious!!! It applies over here too (terminology is a little different)!
A couple of things forgotten:
You automatically scan for the fastest way out of a building.
You never have your back towards an entrance.
You always look at the "jock" in the bar, and laugh to your buddies about "gym muscles".
When with civvie friends in inclement weather, you tell them to stop whining, shortly followed thereafter with a story that starts"When I was in the army, I remember a time..."
Stories told by army buddies will always trump ANY civvie story, any time, any place.
The thing I miss most though are the Spades (unofficial card game of the US Army) we'd play when we had downtime. That, and my sunflower seeds.
oldsoldier
02-08-2007, 02:36
[QUOTE=spamel;311068]You know you've been Army Institutionalised when..........
... and other snappy bits of VP
You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....
Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.
QUOTE]
Although 4 yrs Navy (Corpsman with the Marines) and 13 yrs in the Army (no sea duty,) I'm a Yank, so could use a bit of translation on: VP, NAAFI, and CTR...
But the rest surely do fit.
To Americanize it: VP would most likely be gumflapping
NAAFI=PX/BX
CTR=recon the area.
Funny how, years later, I still do that. Paranoia, or good training? :)
Spamel, thats hilarious!!! It applies over here too (terminology is a little different)!
A couple of things forgotten:
1)You automatically scan for the fastest way out of a building.
You never have your back towards an entrance
2)You always look at the "jock" in the bar, and laugh to your buddies about "gym muscles".
3)When with civvie friends in inclement weather, you tell them to stop whining, shortly followed thereafter with a story that starts"When I was in the army, I remember a time..."
Stories told by army buddies will always trump ANY civvie story, any time, any plac
4)The thing I miss most though are the Spades (unofficial card game of the US Army) we'd play when we had downtime.
1) Self preservation my friend!
2) If ever we saw someone like this we start shouting at each other trying to keep a straight face saying things like "I MUST BREAK YOU!" or "AROUND MY BEAUTIFUL BODY TWICE - GO", bloody gym queens.:D
3) That is so TRUE!:lmao:
4) We used to always end up playing strip poker with the Native girls, and funnily enough we always won, go figure!!:D
Ogri the trog
02-08-2007, 06:18
Why has nobody mentioned "Uckers" yet?
The only board game that is a full contact sport.
Good call Spam, Air Force rules differ a little but not by much.
Gone are the days of going from work, to the bar and then straight to work again.
ATB, shed on
Ogri the trog
Eric_Methven
02-08-2007, 09:26
It's weird isn't it. I'd forgotten about loads of this stuff. I've been out since 1984 and to this day I won't stand in front of a window if the room is lit and it's dark outside. I always pull the curtains before I put the lights on at home as well. It just shows you how thorough the training was, and it'll no doubt be with me till someone finds a skeleton in a hammock in the woods somewhere.
Eric
Just read it............oooohh! How true.
I have the added problem of also mixing Plod speak and a bit of Bootie too (not that I was one I worked with them long nuff for it to rub off).
Did someone mention: Bimble; Tab; Yomp; Heads?
I get told off for marching when out shopping
Put myself on extra's if I don't not shave
Still do the ironing
At the age of 49 still do my BFT twice a year - don't larf I know a few who do.
Have more military and ex-military mates than civvy's.
I live at an address that is given out using the NATO phonetic alphabet.
First parade the car.
Bull my brogues.
A sad but full life ;-)))
Hey I'm a loadmaster with ships on an oil refinery jetty, and when the vessels are approaching I tell all the rigging party to "STAND TO!":rolleyes:
Now thats sad, I didn't even realise I was doing it until I read this thread the other day.:eek:
So funny! I've not been in the army, but i was laughing so much my husband came upstairs thinking that i was choking!!!
Eric_Methven
02-08-2007, 15:49
Ha ha! I know what you mean. I shouted 'Stand to' at a campsite once when a bunch of bikers invaded (drove their bikes revving loudly all around the tents). Nobody moved, so I just sat down again and played at being a sheeple. They went away, thank goodness.
Eric
I love the card games in the forces, the big one in the engineers is Yuka (not sure if that is how you spell it!) pronounced yoo-kah. It's basically trumps played with 9's up, with the exception of the 2 of spades, or benny, which is always the top card. The trumps suit sets which jack is higher than it's coloured brother, so if hearts is called, then it goes benny, jack hearts, jack diamond, ace hearts, king hearts, queen hearts, ten hearts, nine hearts as the trump order. Any suit can be called, so if the black suits are called, then the black jacks become the second and third cards in the trump run.
You play with a partner sat opposite diagonally from you, four players in altogether. Each player is dealt five cards and the idea is to win as many tricks as possible whilst scoring in a very complicated manner using the four and five number left from the deck of cards to show how many points you have!
Bloody complicated game, you have to play it to learn it, which means you lose a lot and buy loads of beer whilst getting slapped repeatedly by your partner and being called every derogatory name under the sun for screwing the game up! They call it character building!:D
Another firm favourite was Sh**head! I promise you, it is an actual game! You get dealt out equal number of cards, and the idea is you start off with whatever is laid and have to beat it as you go around. You can lay a group of cards of the same value, so if you have three threes' you can lay them all together. Some cards do special things, such as skip a player, reverse direction of play, clear the pile of cards, and all other manner of good stuff. If you can't beat the card laid down, you pick the whole pile up! You have six cards on the table that are played at the end, three face up that you can see, and three blind cards. It gets exciting at the end!
basically, you need to end the game without any cards in your hand, the last person playing gets repetadly called a sh**head by the remaining players and pointed at and ridiculed! he then deals. If you talk to him during the dealing, you become sh**head and take over dealing!
Great fun!:lmao:
Hey Spamel,
Great post mate, I will admit that it just screams at me how much the service rubs off on people, I showed this one to "Niner" and she just punched me in the arm and said, "told you so!”
However, I will admit to being a little frightened by the number of "Breach Creatures" on here. :rolleyes:
No grid square is safe... theirs or ours!
Any way I'm off to inform the local Macca's on the correct drill to raise and lower the ANF, then I think I'll give my self a room inspection with out notice, followed by a bout of Cyclone training for good measure... Ahhhh the memories...
Delta 4 2 out...
Cheers,
Karl
:borgsmile
Ogri the trog
03-08-2007, 07:21
Bloody complicated game, you have to play it to learn it, which means you lose a lot and buy loads of beer whilst getting slapped repeatedly by your partner and being called every derogatory name under the sun for screwing the game up! They call it character building!:D
Great fun!:lmao:
Hang on,
Thems the same rules for Uckers:confused:
Does anyone else cringe when a radio announcer says the word "contact!"
Stand Easy
Ogri the trog
Sounds like Euchre (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euchre), Spam.
Does anyone else cringe when a radio announcer says the word "contact!"
Contact, nah!
"Stand by", though, that sends a shiver up my spine.
Right then. Snap bushy knife inspection......sheaths included, outside, on the patio, now, go.
Gotcha.
dean4442
03-08-2007, 09:50
:AR15firin
Using repeat on the net!!!!!!!!!!!! surely that should be "say again" especially with all of the drop shorts we seem to have on here.
I'll get me coat :naughty:
Colin
None of them, I repeat, none of them apply to me.
Roger that?
No dramas!
:D
(I'm in silly mood!!):rolleyes:
Oh Dear....
Oh dear oh dear oh dear
That's me tabbing back to the OP and hide meself behind a GPMG:You_Rock_
Great post, brings a lot back
Booty talk (Yomping, Galley etc) reminds me of when I was on a course at a Naval base, some years ago. One of my fellow Pongos (Taff) was - shall we say - a little over confident (gobby tw*t we used to call it!) and was constantly taking it out of the Matelots for their customs and traditions. One night we decided to hit the local town (yes it was a Thursday!) and Taff was despatched to the Guardroom to enquire as to the best places to go in the locale.
Before he went I briefed him thus: " Look mate - don't wind up the fish heads OK? Just be nice."
"OK, no worries mate" says Taff, and saunters up to the guardroom desk, behind which sits the largest soldier, sailor or airman you have ever seen (sailor in this case). I wait with bated breath for Taff to, at last, show some inter-service diplomacy. He says:
"Oi, Bluebeard! Where can I get me Horn Blown!"
We went out...Taff didn't.
peds8045
03-08-2007, 21:41
And don't forget, after a good night of shrafting, the military " have hangovers that would kill a civvy":lmao:
Had a few of them over the years...DD Tops anyone:D
oldsoldier
03-08-2007, 22:31
Funny....the military is the only job that takes pride in you being able to do your job after a full nights drinking, 1/2 hour of sleep, and a 4 mile run :)
We used to do monday morning drunk runs...5 miles around the airfield. Ah, the days....
There was one time during the summer,after I'd had a shed full the night before we had a CFT. Anyway we got to the halfway point and my OC says to me, "Cpl Hardman why aren't you sweating?" I replied to him saying "Well that will be due to the severe lack of water in my body from being out on the p**s lastnight SIR!", "OH!" He said
Bloody Muppet.:D