Do your children eventually let you go?

[jojo]

As parents you have to eventually let your children go. Fair enough. They grow up and want their life. Again, fair enough! But, conversely, do your children eventually let go of you as in: realising that you are not just mum and dad, but people who might want to actually have a bit of life of their own that does not for example, involve driving them around when they feel like not getting on the bus for a 15 minutes ride?? or doing their washing or, or, or......

Be interesting to find answers from both point of view!

Mine don't seem to have fully grasped this one yet, and they are nearly 20 and 22

 

[Tengu]

Oh, Im not letting my father go, hes irreplacable.

I just have to keep him from marrying yet again...

 

[Bushcraftsman]

We're not letting go until we absolutely have to! you put us on this world, now it would be wrong to NOT Take advantage of that and get things done for us as long as possible

In all seriousness I think that yes after around 25 at the latest the inquisitive nature we have will over come our fear of the outside world and we'll want to go out nd experience everything independantly.

IMO

 

[DoctorSpoon]

Maybe I'm a bad mother, but I have always made a point of letting my children know that I have my own life and they need to be increasingly independent. We live in a small village with limited public transport and the kids have been brought up to organise their lives around it and to organise lift-shares with friends when possible. If they miss the school bus it's a 20 minute round trip for me or Robin and they get to do 20 minutes chores around the house after school Aged 12 and 15, they are already responsible for their own clothes washing, they can cook simple meals and they know to wash up after themselves. I still do a fair amount, I often have to 'remind' them to do stuff, and they push the boundaries all the time, but I think they are on their way to being responsible adults.
Nicola

 

[xylaria]

Doctor spoon you sound like an ace mum .

I don't drive, I live in a city so can get way with that. Mine are 9 and 12, and sort of wash up, and sort their own washing but not as much as would like. They can get themselves around by bike and bus, but my daughter has two freinds that are car dependant and in a way it is making her lack dependance. It is good to teach older children independance, as along it is not making them frightened.

 

[Toddy]

I'm the complete opposite
Mine are fully capable and independent adults, 28 and 30, but I miss them. The youngest still stays at home, he was terrrbily ill with cancer and cancelled his plans to move into his own flat, now he's back on his feet I think he's just comfortable. He reckons he's saving a fortune I don't rattle around the house feeling it empty, I know he'll move out sooner rather than later though, but I'm not throwing him out the door. I did see him looking at the *for sale* signs recently

I think family means different things to different people. To me, it's not just loving them and wanting them to thrive, it's being involved in their lives, whether it's my nearly 90 year old uncle or my cousins or my sons. I genuinely like them as people I enjoy spending time with them, sharing their company
When my sons went to secondary school and were no longer able to come home for lunch, the silence drove me out of the house and I went to Uni. Now, HWMBLT is retired and it suits for me to be at home as much as possible.
No one is dependant or unable to pursue personal goals, we just get along very well.

Different folks, different ways of looking at the world.
I can't imagine making the kids do twenty minutes work to make up for me driving them someplace, mine would rather they made the effort to be on time so that I didn't have to drive them.
It's not putting a 'value' on things or time, but a regard for others. Similarly if they were late because life just got on top of them I'd go out of my way to help out, drive them, pick them up. Just a different outlook I reckon.
Emotional blackmail is as infra dig as is "because" as an answer.
I coiuldn't ever imagine myself as one of those grans who charge childminding fees so that their children *appreciate* the good turn they're doing for them.

My 2p worth,

cheers,
Toddy

 

[Logit]

i got out of home when i was 17, literally sold everything i owned and bought a bus ticket to London, and then ended up doing a winter season in Italy......

I haven’t been home since other than to say "hello", bought my house at 21, was lucky as i managed to get a 100% mortgage. being 25 now i have my own life, dogs and partner, even though i live less than an hours drive away from my parents home, i see them maybe every couple of months, and speak on the phone monthly.

When i do go home i find it odd, because i am one of five, my sisters being 22, 21, 19 and my brother 17.... they are so lazy and immature its unreal, it actually upsets me. they have no motivation to learn to drive, and why should they, my parents do everything for them..... they don’t wash their clothes, wash up or anything..... arghh...!

i sometimes wish that they just went out into the real world and learnt that its tough, and things don’t just fall on a plate... ( can you tell im bitter!! - but so not jealous!)

I don’t really spend time with my dad as he is quite controlling and trys to beat me and make me submit to his ways with everything, and my mum, has lived with it for 25 years, so is so soft and doesn’t see it....

did i even answer the question or did JOJO just touch a raw nerve.... I might be back to edit this, once i have re-read it!

 

[sam_acw]

My wife and I are currently back in England looking for work and living at my parents' house. They're not too happy with the situation and it's stressing everyone out as they're used to being on their own, as are we, and we are having little luck so far in finding a job.

 

[firecrest]

I think it depends on the parents situation. Im 27 and live my parents 3 days a week while Im at work, and 4 with my boyfriend, as we live 30 miles from where I work, ive been unable to find a job in sheffield so I cannot move out completely. and I cannot afford my own place near work. My parents dont mind this, I dont think they care if I ever move out or not. Ive moved out twice in the past, its a shame current economics are the way they are, I would like a place of my own because currently I feel like Im always living in other peoples houses. Well I am really, I dont have the power to kick anybody out of my living spaces but they can all kick me out if they want!

 

[British Red]

Sure they do - at least mine!

Can't imagine a child not wanting to go and make their own way in the world

And its great too when your over 18 kid drives over to see you and then drives their car to the pub so that you can have a pint - lovely feeling that they just wanted to come round and buy you lunch

I'd hate mine to noit want to be off to uni / out to work and making their own way in the world - mine is off to uni having worked full time all through the holidays (she has been earning her own money since she was 12).

We'll always be a "safe haven" but she has her own to life to lead - as do we. She needs to find her own path and make her own mistakes. She rings for advice now and again but makes her own decisions - just as it should be. She's an adult and acts like one so she deserves to be treated as one

Red

 

[woof]

Well its gone a full circle for us. Having been married for 27yrs, and we have two children, both very indipendent but still at home, my dad, has recently moved in with us.

Don't know if you call the circle of life, or just looking after your own, but when my brother(younger than me ) who was still at home died, it devistated them, and my mum never got over it, she's also now passed on, leaving dad on his own with failing health, so he's now here, my wife has a brother & a sister, so her parents are well looked after.

Rob